I am not sure about anyone else but Dr. Hilmoe that I work with says I make her day every day because I am always ready for her when she brings and animal back. She likes when the previous exam info is attached to her current exam sheet so I always do that for her and she gets so excited. She always thanks me for "just being me" and that certainly brightens my day. We sort of have a mutual admiration society in that way.

I know that everyone thinks I am a hypochondriac and I probably am but lately there is something wrong with me. I don't know what it is.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been tired. I am kind of a lazy person anyways and recently started exercising so I just attributed it to a lifestyle change. So I was at the doctor last week and just mentioned that I have just been feeling fatigued. In the past week, however, it has gotten much worse. Activities I could do normally with ease are now too tiring to do. I could not even scruff a cat at work for more than 2 minutes without feeling completely exhausted the other day. Today, scooping the litterboxes made every muscle in my body hurt and that is not right.

So my doctor had some bloodwork pulled and my white blood cells are elevated (not scary leukemia elevated I don't think) and my neutrophils, which are the white blood cells who fight infection are elevated too. My hemoglobin is elevated and those are the cells that carry the oxygen through your blood. Also my DHEA and Testosterone levels are elevated also. My doctor thinks all of this may be stress related but I am not stressed. If I was stressed, wouldn't I know???? I don't feel stressed. I feel sick.

Needless to say, I am getting more blood taken and some urine tomorrow for more testing. I just know something is wrong with me because I am just too tired for life right now.

Some good friends of mine are going through a divorce. Actually more than one couple in my life is going through divorce. I am divorced. My parents should have gotten a divorce. Funny to think that years and years ago, no one got divorced. Everything has become disposable. Most people own cars longer than they are married now. Marriage is a sham. Sometimes I think the gays are lucky because marriage is a joke. I did it. The marriage doesn't change how you feel about the person. It just makes breaking up a fuck ton more complicated and expensive. While I agree wholeheartedly that gay people should have the same rights as heterosexual people, I don't know why we would want that right. The right for the government to rip you off and ass fuck you more, no gracias. I mean we are fighting for the right to be married to someone in Vegas and getting it annulled 24 hours later. We are saying, "Hey!! It may suck but we want it too." I mean when Martin Luther King Jr. was marching for something he was MARCHING FOR SOMETHING! We march for a sucky right with a 56 percent fail rate. Doesn't anyone else think that sucks?

I really really want to write a bad review for the place I used to work cause they treat animals horribly, they are overpriced and they overall just suck. But that is not my style. But I will blog what I would write.......

Capitol Hill Animal Clinic
Seattle, WA

If you want your animals to sit in their kennels all morning long covered in urine because the staff is busy smoking cigarettes, this is the place for you.

If you want to be treated badly when your pet is dying if you call to check on them more than once, this is the place for you.

If you want your pet to spend the night in a clinic with no heat, this is the place for you.

If you like your veterinarian to have fake clip on hair, this is for you.

If you like paying a lot of money for shitty service and taking your pet to a dump, this is the place for you.

If you love your pets, this is NOT the place for you.

Spike says I have to do this meme thing that she did where someone associates 5 things with you in their comments (after you comment on their meme) and then you are supposed to expand upon those in your own livejournal. So I am bored and watching Annie (whilst singing along) so here goes.......

1) nipple non-nipple: Oh goodness if you don't know about my nipple non nipple by now than you sir are no friend of mine. So here goes: back in the day I had some big titties. But not like Jenna Jameson sexy big titties. I had some freakin' udders. So when I was 18, my Grandma saw Soleil Moon Frye (aka Punky Brewster) on the Maury Show and she was talking about her breast reduction. Right then and there my grandma decided she wanted me to have one too (which I needed one) and offered to pay for it. So I got a breast reduction. They discuss the risks with you in advance and I was well aware of them, one of those risks being that you may lose a nipple. Needless to say, my right nipple didn't make it through the surgery. So I do not have a nipple on the right side. I have a tattoo that looks like a nipple which I didn't want but my mom made me get to "make it look right".
Having a nipple non nipple has come in handy for me. First off, there is only uni-nipplage. When I am cold, I only have to worry about one of my soldiers pointing to attention. It also got David Cross' attention once upon a time when I was trying to get into his sold out show. I could not get a ticket so I sat outside the doors with a sign that said, "I only have one nipple. Please let me in to see David Cross." when who should walk by but David Cross. Needless to say, he was humored by my sign and let me into his show.

2)fetch the bible: Fetch the Bible was invented in a Motel 6 in Grants Pass, OR. My dog, Brynn, loves to fetch things. So Spike and I were at the 6 and I threw the Bible (courtesy of the Gideons) across the room and asked Brynn to fetch it and sure as shit she did. Now, when we are in hotel rooms, Brynn hunts the Bible down for a nice game of fetch every time.

3) karaoke: Those who know me well know I love me some karaoke. But not in the I can't sing so I might as well make a bar full of people miserable sort of way, in the I wish I was famous but I am not nearly talented enough for that so I might as well sing in this bar sort of way. I love to sing. I sing all the time. (as most people who have to listen to me can attest to) I am well known for my "Gold Dust Woman" and "Get Back" (by Ludacris-cause white girl can rap). I sing a little of everything. I will rarely turn down the opportunity to sing, EVER.

4)pool: When I was just a baby dyke, I saw all my favorite people always playing pool and I wanted to join in. But I always sort of assumed I was too girly to play pool or I would not be any good at it. But I just started to play one day. Renea and Emily told me I couldn't act all "stupid and girly" or no one would want to play with me. So I just became very serious and focused about it. I have been playing for about 4 years now or so and I am not bad at it. I have a white pool cue with pink flames on it. I play in a women's league with some AMAZING women who I love to be in the company of and who brighten my week every Tuesday. AND THEY KICK MY ASS! I am the youngest one in the league. I beat the best player in the league once!

5)ferrets: It seems like I have always had ferrets. When I was younger I had 4 ferrets and 2 of them moved to Seattle with me. I had a brief hiatus from ferrets before going to a ferret rescue with an ex and coming home with 7 ferrets. A few weeks later, we went back to the rescue and got 5 more. (I think that is how many we got...it could have been 6 and 6...who knows now....) We broke up and I took 5 ferrets with me. Shortly after that, my ex gave the ferrets back to rescue and I went to the rescue and got one of them back. So I had 6, Skunk, Monkey, Beefcake, Todo, Podo, and Grady. Monkey, Grady, Todo, an d Beefcake have all gone to ferret heaven. But since then, Kona Bear came into my life and recently Jimmie Kerr Boulevard joined the family and now we have 4 ferrets.

I was watching the Dixie Chicks' documentary "Shut Up and Sing". It is about how in 2003 while performing a show in London on the eve of the Iraq war beginning, Natalie Maines said she was ashamed that the President of the United States was from Texas. A media onslaught ensued and the Dixie Chicks were ostracized by the Religious Right, banned from country radio and forced to reevaluate their careers.

During the media frenzy in 2003, a media consultant is talking to the band about a Diane Sawyer interview that they are about to tape and he mentions that Bush is at the highest approval rating ever and that in a week by the time this interview airs, the war in Iraq will likely be over and Bush's approval rating will be sky high.

Fast forward to today where Bush has just about the lowest approval rating any president has ever had including Clinton during the whole blow job incident and Nixon during Watergate. The Iraq war is still going on and shows no sign of ending any time soon despite the change in the presidency. Thousands of soldiers and others have died.

Funny to think that when Natalie Maines said those things she was just attacked and these days 5 years later there are entire cartoons and sketch comedy shows devoted to making fun of what a mockery George W. Bush has made of the presidency and our country.

Cause one can NEVER have too many blogs:

http://stuffbuttercuplikes.blogspot.com/

My new one!

I suppose my family thinks I am crazy. I wonder what the hell my friends think. Am I crazy? Are they crazy? All these things that we do, that we say, that we cause……what is it all? Why do I have 13 pets (plus visiting Stewie Manure)? I can stare at my pets for hours…is this normal? I can listen to Van Morrison for hours and not do a damn thing but sit there and listen…..why? The city noises outside my window create this peaceful calm within me that only Seattle can provide…..how? My purse is like a giant garbage can that I never clean out…..when? I love working in a pet store and I feel like it was something I was made to do…..where?

I like writing. It makes me feel. I like singing. It makes me feel strong. I like loving. It makes me feel beautiful. I like her. She makes me feel whole. I like soft. It makes me feel safe. I like listening. It makes me feel active. I like playing. It makes me feel brave. I like food. It makes me feel full.

I am: messy, stubborn, obsessive, addicted, inappropriate, inebriated, crass, strong, brave, fearful, fat, sad, hungry, self depreciating, intoxicating, opinionated, beautiful, vocal, grieving, reflective, rich, poetic, ponderous, eclectic, spiritual, smart, healing, nurturing, irresponsible, and lonely.

Dearest Dawg,

Please refrain from drinking ALL.THE.WATER. There are 12 other pets living in the house that rely on that water supply and when I see a pathetic near dehydration (not really but that is how he acts...) Grady Ferret laying near the water dish like he is lying in the middle of the Mojave desert seeing mirages of swimming pools and when I look over after I fill the water dish and I see all the other 12 pets drinking water fiendishly, it sorta makes me hate you even more than I did before you were trying to deprive the other animals of water.

I give you YOUR own water dish. With water for YOU. Drink from that dish. Straining yourself and choking yourself to drink all the other animals' water is unacceptable.

Thank you for your consideration,
Mom

I find being an adult a daunting task. Can I be 10 again? I still color in coloring books. I also just ate crushed up Cool Ranch Doritos in tomato soup. How is it so hard being an adult you ask? Well a half hour before right now I just cleaned the bathroom, scrubbed the carpets where the ferrets decided a litterbox should be, took out the trash and vaccummed. Yesterday I worked a 12 hour day on my feet all day. Last week I spent 2 days hauling a 160 pound dog all around the clinic. The bills sit on the table awaiting payment. The dog has to be walked. The litterboxes aren't scooped. Work comes again way too soon. The Grey's Anatomy disks have to wait. The crayons can't come out now. The ice cream is "carb healthy" The soda is diet. Like I said....being an adult is a daunting task.

I LOVE this show. It is my new favorite show. Like it might be number 2 behind Golden Girls.


That is all for now.

Watching Wife Swap has inspired me to write a "Household Manual". On every "Wife Swap", the wife writes a manual so that the new wife knows how to run the household. So...

The Peters-Duso Household Manual

Welcome to our household. I hope you didn't have any trouble climbing over the barrier at the front door that is there so no ferrets escape. The whining beast that is jumping all over you is Brynn. We dislike her for the most part and yell at her as often as possible. (Name calling is also encouraged.) She is to stay in her chair unless invited off the chair. She is fed 4 cups of food in the evening. She is to sit in her chair and told to stay for at least 10 minutes before she is allowed to eat. Do not let her off the leash unless it is to walk outside. Otherwise she will eat the cat food and the cat poop. If she has an accident or eats the cat food, call her a "Naughty whore", make her sit in her chair, and vaccuum her.

There are 6 ferrets who call this house a home.

The Monkey Ferret-scrawny looking dark masked ferret who likes to steal things and is racist against the white ferret.
Todo Dodo- One eyed fat sable dark ferret who bites hard.
Podo Dodo- sister of Todo Dodo much thinner and lighter colored. Will give cute little ferret kisses.
Skunky- white ferret with a black tail. The naughtiest of all ferrets. Expect to see her in the ferret time out at least 32% of the time.
BeefyCakersCrocodile Ferret-the largest of the ferrets but not really trouble at all. He likes to hide food, bite the dog and cats and he is the only ferret who is 100% litterbox trained.
GradyFerret or the GF- light colored fat old man looking ferret. Constantly searching for raisins and sometimes a bit inaccurate when it comes to the litter box. Don't be alarmed if he looks dead in the middle of the floor. He is just resting.

They have free run of the house. Your main purpose is to prevent or stay one step ahead of their antics. There is a ferret time out located under the table next to the CD towers. This is for ferrets who are digging at things, stealing things, or attacking each other or the cats. The ferrets have several hiding places. They change often so it is difficult to tell you where they are. They also have a lovely habit of finiding new and secret pooping places. It is your job to make sure that these places are located and erradicated and prevented for the future. The way to prevent the pooping is to move the furniture, make a bed there or to put food there.

There are 6 fabulous felines who also reside in our house.

Tucca-orange tabby bitchy girl cat. She is a catty cat. She is a total bitch most of the time.
Baby Cat-black and white scaredy cat. He is afraid of everything but a total sweetheart.
Neo-Grey tabby fat boy. He is a big sweetheart also. He likes to have his chin scratched.
Brutus-big orange and white long haired boy. He is obsessed with the bathroom and pretty much spends all of his time there.
Maggie the Original-siamese princess cat. Sneezes a lot because she has a polyp in her nose.
Maggie Part Deux(Yes there are two Maggies)- old lady tabby cat. She is a sweetheart ot people but a total bitch to the other cats.

The cats do what they want, sleep where they want, eat when they want and they like it that way. They are happy and when they are happy, noone pees on anything and I like it that way.

And lastly, there is a Julianna. Julianna is my wifey. She likes to be doted on and loved. We share chores equally (i.e. she does the dishes, I clean up the ferret accicents....) She works at Starbucks as a manager and she often comes home smelling like coffee. When she wakes up in the morning to open the store at 4 am, you must say in a sleepy voice, "Time to make the coffee." Everyday on my way to work, I stop by her store for coffee. It is hard to believe that I did not even drink coffee before we met. We like to go out and have a good time. On Mondays, we play in a pool tournament at the Rose and sing karaoke at Vito's. On Tuesdays, we usually play pool at the Pub at Piper's Creek most of the time. On Wednesdays, we sing karaoke at the Rose. The rest of the week depends on how we feel.

We love each other very much and very much obsessed with each other and all aspects of each others lives. We shower together, get ready in the morning together, pick at each others zits and all those other disgusting couple things. We know everything about each other and each others jobs. We talk in baby talk and are really affectionate. Basically, we gross everyone out with how fucking cute we are together.

I just realized something. I think the MonkeyFerret is racist against the white ferrets. She is a black masked ferret. When she lived with the other 11 ferrets, she would pick on Princess and Farrah who were both white. Now that we have Skunkers, who is white, we constantly find the MonkeyFerret grabbing Skunky by the back of her neck and biting the crap out of her. She NEVER even plays with the other ferrets, much less attacking them but she is out for blood where Skunky is concerned. I am thinking that the MonkeyFerret needs to go to some racial sensitivity classes.

I have this obsession with free stuff. I check The Craigslist daily to see if there is anything interesting for free. From couches to puppies, I can spend hours looking through the free stuff. I sometimes even look through the Portland free stuff because you never know what you might find. I might just be worth the 2 hour drive and I love road trips too. (And any excuse to visit Powell's and wander in there for hours is good too.) But I digress....I love free stuff. In my apartment there is a table in the laundry room and sometimes there is free stuff on it. I love to check it daily. We get lots of interesting free stuff. Tonight I became the proud owner of two lava lamps. I always wanted some lava lamps. I also got a nice large yellow bowl that will be a great popcorn bowl. Off to check The Craigslist.....

Dear Bitches-

I overheard you sayin' you was goin' to the market. Now I know they be sellin' raisins there. Now I ask you.....where my raisins at? Why couldn't you bitches hook a brotha up?

Love,

G-Ferret

Reply and I'll give you a letter, and you have to find five songs that start with that letter and post them to your journal.

wrldgrl gave me the letter "C"

1) Camera by Michelle Malone
2) C'mon C'mon by Sheryl Crow
3) Chiapas Bound by Amy Ray
4) Cold Beer and Remote Control by the Indigo Girls
5) Constant Craving by k.d. Lang


Too easy....

I have not had a chance to write about 7 not so much glorious hours of my life that I will never get back again. I needed some time to reflect on what I had seen. I needed to process all that my mind had to absorb that night. It is a night I will never forget and I night I want to forget more than anything.

To start off, Homo A Go Go is a music festival in Olympia, WA to raise money for various queer causes. Amy and Emily of the Indigo Girls have performed there in years past and this time Amy donated her time for a solo performance. We got to Olympia around 2 and we were wondering if there might be a line. There wasn't. We walked around Olympia for a few hours. I never realized how many hippies there are in Olympia. I think that they all went there in the 60's to protest one thing or another and got so high they never bothered to leave. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting little town. We got to the show just about when doors opened and went right to the front row to sit down. We figured we would rush the stage for Amy when she came on. We knew we would have to sit through several other "acts" before we got to Amy. What we didn't know was that we would be slowly descending through several levels of hell until our lord and savior, Amy Fucking Ray, came and save us. (And some angels named 8" Betsy and Seeing Blind tried to help out....)

Let's run throught the circus *ahem* musical acts and spoken word that we had to sit through...SOBER, I might add.

First off there was Shawna Virago....a guitar playing angry transexual who played songs like, "Transexual Dominatrix" and "Tranimal". Shawna also had some rather strong opinions on Michigan Womyn's Festival. (BTW, I do as well, but I digress...I will not attend any festival for women that can't even spell WOMEN!) A great headliner arguing with the audience and flashing some penis is always a good way to start off a fundraising festival.

Then there was THRIVE! Two volumptuous black women and a skinny little white girl doing little skits about how much they hate corporate America, George W. Bush, capitalism, communism, healthcare....basically everything government related. But they did teach me a little chant that I now love to utter because it is so fitting...."HATE IS NOT SEXY!".....SAY it everyone..."HATE IS NOT SEXY". I also enjoyed the choreographed dances to rap songs that exhibited how "angry" they are at America.

Next was...well, we are not sure. We never got her name but she did a spoken word behind a white sheet about how once upon a time someone called her a fatass and it wounded her for life and now the only way her body feels free is when she tribal dances....BADLY...whilst wearing more spandex than any overweight person should wear and a fishnet top.

Then we had Swan Island. After all we had just seen, we were like, "These guys aren't bad" but really they were. Everyone loves a garage band. In the garage. After school and a joint has been passed around.

I thought that the next act, Katz from The Athens Boys Choir was going to be a breath of fresh air. I had heard good things but never experienced him for myself. But dammit if spoken word is not the death of me. It makes my inner core harden, shrivel and die....everytime I have to sit through spoken word, a little peice of my soul dies. And God kills a kitten. Many kittens died on Wednesday night.

Next some angels of mercy tried to save us. We saw the light and we grabbed onto the rope. They tried to pull us from the depths of hell....but it was too late. We were slipping deep into an abyss that only the woman...."THE LEGEND" Amy Ray could save us from.

Next was the Jewish Tranny band, The Shondes. You see, we learned a lot about Jewish-ness on Wednesday night. We learned that the term Shonde means disgrace. You see The Shondes were a group of three trannies and their outspoken theater-y straight girl friend in the form of a punk band. They had an interesting idea musically incoorporating a fiddle into their music making them sound rather yiddish which I enjoyed. But their lyrics where incoherent and they all sang over each other badly and there was just too much Jew-ness. It was like, "Yeah we get it....you're Jewish."

Besides sitting through all these bands, we had to sit through endless band set ups. More than anything, the set ups made the night drag on. Most of the bands were like, "Oh my god...are we really sitting through this...? Is this really happening?" As the night drug on, we also were starving and had nothing to eat but sugar. We were completely hopped up on sugar with no end of the evening in sight.

The next act was actually another ray of light called, "Seeing Blind". We found out they were local to Seattle and we really enjoyed them. Unlike several of the other acts of the evening, they actually seemed like a band, not a group of unorganized teenagers playing "BAND" after school. They were accomplished musicians and we look forward to seeing them play locally.

Oh goodness...the whipped cream of this cake of an evening was Tender Forever. Oh my goodness....Minnie Mouse on crack, E, shrooms, and whatever drug she could get her hands on, the lyrics to her songs ranged from cake to toilets to french fries. She laid on the floor while singing and made lame jokes about her self esteem and bright orange shirt. There was also a point where she sat on the floor pretending that the monitors on stage were her computer. We aren't sure why....

Oh the cherry on top was most certainly Bitch. For those who don't know, Bitch is dating Daniella Sea, who plays Max/Moira on the L Word. While they were setting everything up for Bitch, she was helping and we thought, "How nice...she's helping her girl set up." Little did we know that Daniella in her little Robin Hood outfit would be part of the "performance". While Bitch performed her first "song", I can hardly call it that or call what she does, singing....Daniella drew us a lovely piture on a huge easel with white paper. While Bitch performed other "peices", Daniella entertained us with dancing, bass playing, keyboard playing, violin playing....and electric guitar playing. Of all the above instruments, I mentioned it seemed like Daniella only knew how to play the electric guitar.

Finally at 1:45 AM, Amy Ray finally graced us with her presence. And it was worth all the hell we went through. Amy Ray is a fucking rockstar and everytime I forget how amazing she is live, I am able to see her and feel the energy and the strength in her performance. I heard the best "Laramie" I have ever heard. I was a bit embarassed and appalled to hear people yelling out, "Shame on You" and "Closer to Fine". Amy shrugged it off and laughed but you have to think that it bothers her a bit. It would bug the shit out of me. It does bug me as a fan....

In the end though, Amy Ray saved the day, as she always does.....she saved us from a slow burning death in the levels of hell we now refer to as "Homo A No No".

Three County Highway by Amy Ray

"Drive a three county highway

Every one of them towns has a fireworks show

its Fourth of July and I'm just now gettin' home

on the horizon I can see 'em all unfold

its been a warm winter and a cold srping

everywhere I've been's felt wrong to me

everything I kept but I never should have thrown away

I wanted you for all those yesterdays

I was wishing for you one Sunday morning

walkin' down the road of some deaderst (?) town

every church a hymn came blendin' in

everyone of them wantin' to be found

did you say it took a long time to find

a lot less man in this heart undone

did you say it took a long time to find

a handsome one to keep you young

One day I'm gonna make it up to you

One day we're gonna laugh instead of cry

One day I'm comin' home to stay its true

And baby that's the last ticket I'm ever gonna buy

* gorgeous slide interlude by Emily*

Cause it's been a warm winter and a cold spring

everywhere I been felt wrong to me

so put your head on my heart

lay down in the crook of my arm

everything's okay I've been found again

I've been found again"

1) We shaved Brutus and now he looks like a turkey, before you cook it. So I call him "turkey" all Weezie Jefferson like now.

2) I have and always been an Emily girl. (Indigo Girls people....you know what I am talking about) However, I cannot help but be completely in love with Amy's new song, "Three County Highway".

"Put your head on my heart

Lay down in the crook of my arm

Everything's okay

I've been found again

I've been found again."

3) I have never really been a sci fi geek or a sci fi lover but my fabulous girlfriend insisted that I watch "Firefly" with her and I really liked it. I am slightly disturbed that there is only one season of it however and that when they did show it on tv that they showed it out of order so noone could understand it. It is very much like this other sci fi show I liked called "Invisble Man". (It had that guy in it who was "Fun Bobby" on Friends...)

4) Julianna is discovering the wonderful trouble that is Skunkers. I warned her that Skunky could get into anything and everything and she could not imagine how Skunky would be any different than our other ferrets who get into anything and everything but Skunky brings it to a whole new level. The other ferrets follow her around like she is their fearsome leader in the crusade to cause the most trouble possible.

5) The Monkey ferret keeps stealing my hairbrush. To obtain my hairbrush she has to wiggle under a barrier, waddle her way into the bathroom, climb up the hamper, climb onto one shelf, then up on another then drag my hairbrush that is larger than her body under the chair that is all the way across the apartment. She does this nightly. I now almost automatically go under the chair every morning and get my brush before I do my hair. If someone were to watch my getting ready routine they might think me crazy because I am like, "Wait, I have to go get my brush from under the chair." like that's where I keep it.